How to choose the right funeral or memorial music
Have you ever thought about what music you’d like to be played at your funeral or memorial?
It might seem strange to think about, but it’s an important factor in a farewell, and thinking about it now could save your loved ones from having to choose for you when they are in the midst of grief.
Choosing the right funeral music depends on who the music is representing. There is not right or wrong song to play, as long as it feels like the person.
Funeral homes have a list of songs that they use for funerals, depending on the age of the person (whether they died from old age or died when they were young), the type of music they listened to (into popular music or liked classical tunes) and what type of person they were (did they like to make people laugh or were they good at expressing their feelings) . While this is a great backup option for when you’re not sure of what music to choose, it does mean that the same songs are used over and over for different people’s funerals.
It is important to consider who you are, or who the person was that you’re thinking about music for.
Think about what you listen to on a daily basis. Maybe it’s folk and indie music (I’m talking Noah Kahan or Hozier), or it could be grunge or heavy metal (let’s talk Alice in Chains and Type O Negative), or even shoegaze tunes (hello Cocteau Twins, Slowdive and Deftones).
What you listen to speaks to you, and should be considered in your farewell. The same goes for any other person you are choosing music for. Is there a favourite artist of theirs, or a musician they’ve seen live many times? Is there a song that’s they always go back to, or one they claim is their favourite of all time?
The music you choose can be a powerful tool in connecting you with your person, or connecting others to yourself. Music evokes memories, emotions and can tell important stories about someone.
Live music is another consideration when it comes to funeral music.
Funerals or memorials often have musicians playing music live to create a certain atmosphere. Your person may have had a friend that plays the guitar, or a sibling that is a master piano player. They themselves may have been a musician and their band or colleagues may want to play one last song to farewell them.
I remember one funeral I attended as a funeral director’s assistant where the person’s friend was playing Metallica on an electric guitar as the mourners walked out of the chapel. It would so loud that it filled the area with the sounds of ‘One’, and my body had the visceral reaction of goosebumps listening to that man play with so much emotion for his friend.
The songs that are chosen are often used for the following moments in a standard funeral ceremony:
Pre-ceremony - music that is played as people gather outside or inside the chapel or meeting place.
Entrance music - a song that is played that signifies that the service has started.
Reflection music - a song chosen for a moment of reflection, which could be a floral tribute to the deceased or a montage of footage shown of them.
Farewell music/committal music - a piece of music that is played as the final goodbye and as the mourners leave the venue.
I have already created a funeral music playlist for myself that you can see below. I am always adding to this playlist, and my loved ones know where to find it when the time comes.
Remember, you can default to the music that the funeral homes suggests, but if you truly want to represent your person, or be represented yourself, it’s never too early to talk about funeral music and create your own playlist to share with your loved ones.
Happy funeral music hunting!
